Life as we knew it changed in 2012.
Suddenly the road ahead became obscured, like looking through the windscreen when rain is pelting down. Everything blurred. Plans were undone, views became obscured and confusion came while I struggled with the ‘what now?’ and unwelcome feelings of abandonment. It wasn’t just my little cottage dream that was shattered.
Has God really let this happen to us?
I can’t answer that for you but I have to believe that God is good and he is kind and although, for us, things didn’t quite go as we’d planned and our “life, was nothing like the brochure”, I knew deep down He, God, could make good out of what seemed like a really bad situation.
So as we set off into the unknown, I had hope. I held tightly to words from the good book penned for our help. “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
But to be honest, more than five years on, this season continues to be anything but ‘easy’ and after wading through painful goodbyes, leaving our ‘familiar’ some years agao, we look set to venture into the unknown yet again. All those feelings are rushing back like flood gates opening after long rains. I wish I could say it’s been smooth sailing, this season, and that I was ‘full of faith and triumph’ but I cannot.
Days of faith have overshadowed by utter hardship and heaviness as I struggled to understand all that unfolded for us. This was like a bad knife add – you know the one I mean? The one where thay promise you a bonus deal with your purchase. Except this wasn’t the “extra blessing deal” – This was the “you’re getting the extra trial deal, another trip down the valley deal and why don’t we throw in a little walk through the fire deal too!”
“Consider it all joy” often spoken as if to comfort.by dear ones trying to understand. We learned quickly that it was best to smile and offer thanks. Lover and I would walk away and looking into eachothers eyes and through tears say “I see you, I see you.” It sounds very dramatic now, but this line from the movie “The Avatar” became our ‘catch cry’, calming our inner tumoil and telling us “ it’s going to be ok”.
And so today I want to say “I see you”
“I SEE YOU”
Wherever you’re at, what ever you’re going through – I want you to know ‘you are seen’. I’m throwing you a life line. Believe that God is good and although it might not seem like it when you’re wading through mud, stumbling through fire, he IS there with you. He’ll bring you through.
Can my words help you while you walk through your valley? I hope so.
I want to be brutally honest. To bare my heart and tell you I’ve struggled, really struggled but I’m still falling into Him. I want to say “it’s ok, you’ll get through this, even if it is on your knees. This may be your Valley of Baca – your Valley of Weeping.
Tears “out” will keep your heart soft and water the parched ground trying to take over your soul.
I’ve cried a thousand tears and still I cry but I’ll still keep looking to God. He’s been there too often to know that he wont show up again. The author and the finisher of my fatih. The beginning and the end. The Alpha and Omega. He’s got this. He’s got us.
My prayer is that the blessing of God will continue to flow over us and as tears fill our pools so will springs come up in our desert, in your desert. Watstlands can become a watered field, flowers can appear and singing can come. (read about it in Psalm 84 and Songs of Solomen 2:11-12)
I’ll leave you with a few words of a song I penned just yesterday